Are we all sitting very comfortably? Good. It's time to reach for our songbooks, boys and girls…

'Now begins a torrent of words and a trickling of sense.'
Theocritus, Greek poet (3rd century BC)

'Strewth.'
Theoklitos, Australian goalkeeper (2009)

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to the first game of the season tomorrow.

On the other hand, as a columnist with 800 words to write, I suppose I should at least have a stab at it�

The first thing to say is how fantastic it is that the match looks like being a sell-out. It's extraordinary that everyone's so up for it given how gloomy we all felt just a few weeks ago.

Of course, just as the esteemed Mr Echo and his fellow Bunnymen observed in The Game that 'Everybody's got their own good reason why their favourite season is their favourite season…', there are different reasons why the new season being so keenly anticipated.

For some, it will be the optimism born of the results and performances in the pre-season friendlies. (Not for me, though; while the build-up has been encouraging, it will mean nothing once the real matches begin.)

For others, it's the sense of a new beginning following the total rebuilding of the squad. 'This is like our Year Zero,' a friend said the other day.

(I assume he wasn't referring to Pol Pot's version of Year Zero: a brutal return to a peasant economy and the elimination of all intellectuals. At least I hope not, having begun this column with such a pretentious quote.)

It certainly feels good to have had a clear-out. And I'm not too worried that I haven't heard of most of the players we've signed. After all, we've been out-played and beaten enough times over the last two or three years by players I've never heard of.

But the main reason I'm looking forward to tomorrow is that it's the first time in five years that I've been able to get to the opening game of the season.

There are many advantages of being married to a teacher. A secure income for the household and an endless supply of red biros, for example. But one of the downsides is that there's a very small window between the end of the summer term and the start of the football season in which to fit a holiday.

For the last five years, I've failed miserably to do so � but this year we were heading for the ferry at Dover almost as soon as the bell rang at the end of school on the final day.

We had a very enjoyable break, since you ask (or even if you didn't) � despite the fact that my wife had invited her Ipswich-supporting friend and her husband to come and share the accommodation for a few days.

As you can imagine, a few remarks were exchanged.

(Wife's friend: 'It's such a shame you got relegated.' Me: 'Do you want to try saying that again, only without sniggering this time?') But the war was won by our two children, aged only 5 and 2, with their self-composed chant:

Nor-wich! (clap, clap, clap)
Nor-wich! (clap, clap, clap)
Nor-wich! (clap, clap, clap)
WE DON'T LIKE IPSWICH!

My wife's friend naturally believed that I was behind this, but I swear they came up with it themselves. I was so proud; I'd make it the ringtone on my phone if I knew how to do it.

Their ability to write a catchy chant is already greater than mine, as last year's failed suggestions for ditties about Wes Hoolahan and Didn't Staylongovic proved. But I can't resist mentioning (especially as the word count is still only 600) that I've had a couple of new ideas�

First, surely we could base a song for Owain Tudur Jones on the chorus of this classic by Aqua?

No? OK, how about an adaptation of Frank Sinatra's Love And Marriage for Goran Maric? Something like�

Goran Maric, Goran Maric,
He left Spain and now he plays for Norwich,
Let me tell you, brother,
If he scores one, he'll score another.

No again? Right, you asked for it. Here's one for Matt Gill, using Max Bygraves' Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellenbogen by the Sea (obviously):

There's a local lad (there's a local lad)
Had a local dream (had a local dream)
That he'd get to play (that he'd get to play)
For his local team (for his local team)
And the dream came true (and the dream came true)
Most unexpectedly
Oh� Gilly, Gilly, that's the feller, playing in the yellow and the gre-e-e-e-een…

Oh, please yourself. If nothing else, my song selections will have reduced the danger of my iPod getting nicked.
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And finally� I'm guessing that decisions about which players to feature on the 2010 Official NCFC Calendar will be made around now, so here's a request to whoever's responsible.

Any chance of picking players who are likely to play next year? By my reckoning, only one player on the 2009 calendar (Mr January, Arturo Lupoli) has so far turned out for the team during the month in which he appears.

And whether Messrs Cureton and Hoolahan will take the field for us in October and December respectively remains to be seen�