With the gongs being handed out JR takes a look at those most deserving from the class of 2014Thu 15 May 14 by Seb Ward
With the official Player of Season awards over, it is time for a few more awards to be given out for this rip roaring season of no goals, no shows, heartbreak and relegation.
So, the votes been counted, checked and verified and let’s kick things off with the much coveted…
Ricky van Wolfswinkel’s Goal of the Season Award – Sponsored by Capital ONE.
Throughout Ricky’s Norwich City career, there has been one moment which has been a complete misrepresentation of his Norwich career. And that is… his goal against Everton on the opening day of the season.
We all sat back smugly and drooled over his ability to adjust expertly in the air and arc Whittaker’s shot-cum-cross into the top corner to earn us well earned point against a very good team.
Collective sighs of relief. What a signing!
T-shirts were made, children were christened, advertising campaigns felt slightly less embarrassing and everything in the world seemed tickety-boo.
But roll the clock forward eight months and that goal actually cost us £10million + in fees and wages. While appearing a bargain on the Andy Carroll Richter scale, for a club of our ilk…
I guess players with genetalia-sounding surnames just don’t seem to work at Norwich (Australian goalkeepers anyone?)
Let’s hope we never go for Marseille’s number 24 – it’ll be a disaster.
The Worst Pass of the Season Award – Sponsored by TomTom.
There were two contenders for this one.
First was Alex Tettey’s decisive and defensive clearance for a corner vs West Brom.
We should gloss over the fact he was closer to the half way line and had absolutely no-one around him at the time. However, the winner is…
Ricky van Wolfswinkel!
1-0 down at Craven Cottage and Ricky is sent free down the right flank. Galloping down the line, he is onside. Come on Ricky… we need this.
He has options. Be brave.
We hold our breath in unison as… he taps it, timidly, backwards to a confused but grateful Fulham defender who skips away. The Wolf turns and looks to the sky.
At this very moment, our poor Dutchmen’s last piece of confidence was chewed up – much like the half-eaten hotdog that was lobbed towards him from the Norwich fans.
What Freud would have made of that?
The worst use of social media – Sponsored by GreaterAnglia Trains.
The joint runners-up are…
- Robert Snodgrass for his inability to give his surname a capital letter (my own issue).
- Leroy Fer for his yellow and green heart picture campaign.
- Ryan Bennett for his ‘if you don’t like it, unfollow me’ missive.
- Nathan Redmond for typing like a hyperactive kid who has been given Lucky Charms with cherryade for breakfast.
But the award goes to…… Jonas Gutierrez for his tweet: ‘Sad to see a not experience (sic) manager in charge’.
His ill-timed message regarding an inexperienced manager as we failed to win at Chelsea riled a lot of people. Including myself.
The tweet was longer than the amount of he spent on the pitch and had a lot more character(s). I subsequently heard it may have been regarding a team from his native country.
To be fair, if I really cared I would check. But I don’t… so I won’t.
The most pointless substitution – Sponsored by LastMinute.com
There were many possible winners for this one. Many.
A major annoyance of most Norwich City fans were Chris Hughton’s substitutions. Always late in the game, always like for like. They invariably had the same impact as a traffic cone with a Norwich shirt, and #Believe tattooed on its side.
But I’m going to give it to… Josh Murphy.
He came on at half-time at the Etihad with City 4-0 down. It was his Premier League debut.
He is a player with speed, skill and will be highly sought after in years to come, but on that day he was a slight teenager who was locking horns with international superstars; all armed with wealth, strength, talent and experience.
What was the poor lad going to do? I felt for him. As it was his full debut and was a game we lost 7-0 it will stay with him forever.
Biggest board mistake – Sponsored by Hippodrome Circus
Most will say their reluctance to sack Chris Hughton months before they actually did. However I disagree.
I think the biggest board mistake was having an unhealthy, superstitious attachment to those pieces of yellow cardboard… the clappers. Using those noisy pieces of nonsense as some expensive lucky charm to create atmosphere and wins was always going to go one way at some point.
And that’s in the air.
The second we started losing, they turned into little yellow missiles, raining down on the Carrow Road pitch like confetti at a Katie Price’s next wedding.
I personally like them. It gives a man something to do with his hands during the game instead of… throwing season tickets at the manager’s face.
The ‘who is going to be the quickest out of the door’ Award – Sponsored by RightMove.com
Who wouldn’t want to go to Bournemouth or Brentford for a lovely day out? On a Tuesday. In February. For half the wages, challenge and coverage you’d get if you transferred to Leicester or Hull.
To be fair I know a few fans who would gladly drive a few to the airport to spare them the trouble.
So… my award goes to…oh he’s left already….so he can’t collect it. And I don’t think Mr Jonas Gutiérrez will be tempted back either as this week he met the Pope.
How nice for him!
To meet a useless, egotistical maniac who thinks his word is gospel… still I’m sure the Pope has met worse.
And finally… Goal of the Season – Sponsored by Norwich BarnDoor Solutions.
On a beautiful day in Norwich, I drove away from Carrow Road after the Sunderland game thinking three things.
1) I’ve just witnessed the best goal at Carrow Road for a very long time.
2) Sunderland were desperately abject and down, and…
3) Surely we will be safe. Surely?
Two out of three ain’t bad.
A dipping, swerving thunderbolt of a shot which I described it as a “wallop of the volley” and I still can’t find better words to justify its beauty.
I was in the rare and privileged position to be directly behind it and knew it was a goal the moment it left his foot. No-one could ever dream that was going to be the last great moment of Norwich City’s pitiful, dreadful season.
We rolled over during 2013/14, so roll on 2014/15.