Who remembers 'Golden' Gordon Ottershaw? Barnstoneworth United? A front line of MacIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt?
Oh come on, you must remember Davitt! Davitt used to score twice in virtually every match; with bullet headers?. “He once scored with the back of 'is 'ead, from 28 yards…”
No? Oh dear, Stan's showing his age here. It was an episode of Ripping Yarns staring Michael Palin? it's out there on YouTube if you're doubting Stanley on this.
Now, this particular yarn tells the tale of the final days of Barnstoneworth United of the Yorkshire Premier League in 1935. 'Golden' Gordon is not a player, but their biggest, some would say only, fan.
Gordon Ottershaw spends his whole life surrounded by everything Barnstoneworth, and after each weekly capitulation, he returns home and smashes up the front room in disgust??. ?Eight bloody one!?
Crisis point arrives when at an emergency meeting the chairmen decides to sell the club to a scrap dealer, meaning the following Saturday's cup match is to be Barnstoneworth United's last.
As the team only has about four players and three pairs of shorts left, Gordon goes off and rounds up the star team from the early 1920s, to play the final match.
Starting to see the link yet? OK, Stan doesn't smash up the front room, Mrs Stan would lock him in the garage for that, and as yet he hasn't managed to get his hands on Kevin Drinkell's phone number, but 'Golden' Gordon's and Stanley's football supporting existence appears mighty similar at the moment!
Gordon's sanity is tested by the crushing predictability of defeat and right now Stan's feeling the strain. Will we win, or indeed even look vaguely like winning ever again?
At the moment, you've got to say no. We're dreadful, truly, completely, in every department, woefully bad? we are Barnstoneworth United. The only discernable difference is that we still seem to have more than three pairs of shorts.
Stan does have to begrudgingly admit that Wee Peter's skill in assembling such an utterly hopeless squad in 12 short months was quite impressive. An achievement that even Hamilton failed to better!
Who watched some of these players and subsequently reported back that they would be an improvement on what we already had? Come on, hands up, was it you Gunny?
Because, shocking as it may be to Shack's and Co, we aren't bottom by chance, we're there because we are, as a team and individuals, the worst team in the league?. By a ruddy mile!
With Hucks, Dion and Drury out, 'Tiny' Taylor departing early and Jamie lacking the ability to score goals from his own half the question wasn't will we lose, but by how many?
The spineless rabble who remained on the pitch should hang their heads in shame, take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves if they have the right to shame the shirt of the team that Stan and so many others love.
Look at that table boys. Look at it hard because if you don't feel genuine embarrassment at it you have no right to be a professional sportsman, let alone a Norwich player.
Reassuringly, after listening to him talk after the game, Roeder has a very clear idea of what is required and how unacceptable that 'performance' was. He sees things clearly and has a positive air about him that will be invaluable if we are to extricate ourselves from this utter shambles.
And what happened to Barnstoneworth United Stan hears you cry? Well, 'Golden' Gordon ultimately succeeds in rounding up the star team from the early '20s, to play the final match. Davitt is the star man, and scores the winner with a header.
The club is saved.
Has anyone out there got Drinks' phone number, Stan needs to put in a call?