This article is going to really test Stan. Not because of a lack of things to write about, but purely because he's not sure if he can rattle it out quick enough, so type Stan, type for your life!
At Stan's breathtaking four words per minute typing speed, this article will take him about three hours, which means that during this time, at present rate of slaughter, Saint Glenn the Impaler will have massacred approximately 43 more staff at Colney. So type Stan, type for your life!
By the time you clap your eyes on this article, Lee Clark, Wynn-Jones, Fozzy and the tea-lady could all be doing the walk of shame out of the gates at HQ with a 'I'd like to thank?.' from Roeder simultaneously popping up on the official site. You never know, somebody might even be welcomed though the same gates before long!
The Hucks debate has been done to death so let's not go back there; let's look at events AH (Anno Huckerby).
To date, by far the biggest appointment has been the arrival of a new kit man. Word spread around the boys like wild-fire, conversations going along the following lines:
Stan – 'We've done what? We've signed a new kit man from Kilmarnock?… #### get in!'
Jonah Millar – 'Yep, straight up. The Roeder jigsaw is finally starting to fall into place. The lad can iron with both hands apparently. I've just googled him and get this “Manny's shirt folding ability is second to none, and his socks are pretty tidy as well. In honesty the man's a legend…” and that was a quote straight from Hamish McTackle writing in Laundry Weekly.'
Stan ? 'Whoa there?.!'
Joking aside, welcome to Manny Fowler and farewell, to Terry Postle.
However, the fact that this subject became a talking point at all shows just how desperate we have all become for snippets of City news. We're like the penguins at London Zoo waiting for someone to throw us a bit of mashed up mackerel!
There has been rumour after rumour. Scot after Scot and has been liked? and a couple of Irishmen. Stan assumes that their agents are the only ones in the country not to have spent the last fortnight sunning themselves beside the pool at L'Hotel Neaveau Riche in the Costa Fortune.
Nicholson? 'Maybe' says Gunn. 'NO!' says Roeder. Clingan? 'Who?' says Roeder. 'We like him says Spock!'
Stan has lost count of the number of players linked, and in all honesty can't remember half of them, which probably says it all; because if we're looking for the key comment of the summer to date, Stan believes it was Roeder's one about 'in-betweenies'.
He wasn't talking about the in-betweenies that Big Dunc has in the pub because he drinks at twice the speed of Stan, but was alluding to the type of players that ply their trade somewhere between the bottom half of the Premiership and the top of the Championship. Birmingham is full of them!
This comment is the reason that Stan's ears pick up a bit more when an Ameobi, a Taylor or an Etherington get mentioned and why he tends to ignore rumours linking players who have popped in 17 goals in the Scottish Second Division. Also Roeder has made it clear he doesn't rate the lower leagues, so any wholesale purchases are unlikely to originate from the divisions beneath.
Of course, the key to all this lies with the size of our wad? or the Turners' wad to be precise. None of us have a clue as to what Roeder has to spend and therefore whether we should be looking at signing Shola or Shawn the Sheep.
Only a very privileged few know this information, and it would be madness if this wasn't the case. Admittedly it's not much fun and is why we are all playing guessing games and waiting for the next scrap of mashed mackerel, but sadly it's the way it has to be.
Wait a mo, the phone's ringing ..'Newcastle have accepted what? ? Ameobi's probably going WHERE? For HOW much? ?..oh b####ks! '
? Stan knew that was going to happen. They're welcome to him at that price! Always thought Shawn the Sheep could do a job for us up front anyway!
Stan will seek solace, well, trying very hard to at least, in the fact it's only the second week of June. Stan's not panicking yet. A tad worried, yes, but he's not running around the room shouting 'Aggghhhh, we've got no players, we're doomed I tell you… doomed…'.
That can wait?? for at least another week!