Back in my school days, I had a girlfriend called Anna.
I went to a large school (albeit not as often as I should have done) with over a thousand pupils and yet it would be fair to say that most of them knew of Anna. She was strikingly attractive and in the year above me; a combination which made her the epitome of my adolescent fantasies.
(Bear with me, there is a point to this).
My friends and I would see her walking from one lesson to another, surrounded by her entourage and stare gormlessly as they passed us by. So all the more implausible that on a cold Tuesday morning during a break-time, a girl who I didn’t know came over and said “You’re Steve right? Anna wants to meet you at lunchtime. She likes you.”
Lost for words and bearing an expression of stunned disbelief (much like when one of our strikers misses a sitter), I was told where and when I was to meet and a couple of hours later, I found myself on the way to see my ‘Holy Grail’.
No interview I’ve had in the subsequent years has come close to causing the same gut-wrenching nervousness I felt and yet somehow, by the end of the day I was officially Anna’s boyfriend.
Overnight I became a hero to my friends and in the weeks that followed, I enjoyed a new level of kudos amongst my peers. I was invited to parties by people who hadn’t previously spoken to me and was asked to play football with the lads in the year above me, even though they didn’t actually know my name.
“Anna’s boyfriend; you can go in net”
Everything was great except for one minor detail: it turned out that Anna wasn’t actually very nice. In fact being in her company was really quite unpleasant.
Nevertheless, I reasoned that it was a small price to pay for my elevated status in the school and had no intention of letting that go.
As such, I was genuinely devastated when after a couple of months, the same messenger who had approached me before, delivered the news.
“Anna’s got a new boyfriend. You’re dumped”.
From hero to zero in an instant, albeit with one saving grace; I didn’t have to spend time with her any more.
City’s last two seasons in the Premier League have ended with us being similarly and unceremoniously dumped. But the parallels don’t end there; for whilst the top flight is the place to be and carries all sorts of perceived benefits, it’s not actually been that nice has it?
Earlier this season, I wrote about the things that I’ve grown to dislike about the Premier League. Number seven in the list is statistics and but in the final reckoning, the ‘stats’ reveal just how arduous this season has been.
22 mornings waking up with the despondency that’s brought about by a defeat.
67 occasions watching Messrs Ruddy and Rudd pick the ball out of the net.
10 senses of injustice as the referee points to our spot (without being awarded a single penalty in return).
Sure there’s been the odd moment to savour; the win at Old Trafford; Olsson’s strike against Newcastle but they have been few and far between. In the main, we’ve had to watch our team concede possession and plenty of goals.
And it all gets a bit tiresome.
This ran through my mind during the recent home match against Manchester United. It was a game which epitomised our Premier League experience.
Miss a good chance; make a mistake; concede a goal; and watch the opponents play keep ball until you ultimately go home feeling deflated. No Leicester fairy tale for us; just week after week of hard grind and ultimate disappointment.
After the Watford match, Russell Martin talked of the Premier League being the pinnacle. He’s right of course and it should be the place that the club and its fans aspire to be.
Just over a year ago, we all walked along Wembley Way, triumphantly singing “we are Premier League”. We had a shared sense of satisfaction of having claimed the bragging rights over our ‘friends’ across the border.
The anticipation of exciting times ahead; prospects of a new kit emblazoned with the Premier League badge being worn on ‘Super Sunday’ by expensive new signings. We had reached the Holy Grail and had all of that to look forward to.
Except, just like my experience with Anna, sometimes the things that you aspire to don’t turn out as you’d like and aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
I was gutted at losing our top flight status, but just like losing Anna, I’m sure I’ll make my peace with it pretty damn quickly.
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Steve posts on Twitter @stevocook
I know what you’re saying and also look forward to a better season, but how do you explain the recent performance against Watford?
Were they that bad (I didn’t think so), or were we playing like a team with fear removed and already resigned to our fate?
All in all a most surreal night, but somehow we knew “normal service” would be resumed at Everton.
To an extent I agree with most all of this but it begs an obvious question, why is the championship such fun? Simply because we have a bigger budget, better players, among the biggest stadium and crowd, in short in the championship we are one of the ‘big guns’. This is because we have had seasons in the premier league, we’ve had that money, that income, that experience of playing against teams who can really make things tough. The simple fact is by missing out on the premier league next season and the huge jump in wealth we are falling enormously behind. The teams who come down from next season’s premier league will dwarf our resources, whichever clubs it may be. So getting back up at the first attempt is so crucial or our championship fun could quite swiftly evaporate into the days of Glenn Roeder. Now that is scary stuff, I hope we don’t go there – the premier league is where we need to be more seasons then not, even if sometimes it’s a bit crap.
OTBC
I read similar columns about the top flight not being what it is the last time we were relegated. And the time before that. I don’t think that is an excuse for failure.
My Anna was Josephine (keep the Napoleon jokes to yourselves, please). In the end, of course, I was well out of it. But if she came beckoning again…
A well-argued piece. But before we get too carried away with the joys of the Championship, we should cast our minds back beyond 2011 and recall this truth:
The Championship is only fun if you’re at the top of it.
The Premier League is nothing more than a rich man´s playground, and if you happen to ´belong´, then fine, you´ll be welcomed in with open arms, and in all probability have a few successful years there. But, if you don´t happen to be in that bracket, then you will always find yourself struggling, in fact, this season just gone, was proof that even if you ARE in that bracket (ex. A.Villa and Newcastle) that now, is no guarantee, and you can still find yourself in trouble.
Needless to say, the gap between the Championship and the Premier League is widening for every season that passes, and while we have the current set up at the club (which I hope we never change by the way), we´re always going to be struggling to compete. There were reasons last summer, why our recruitment went so horribly wrong, some were financial reasons, but in my opinion, just as many were because we weren´t considered an attractive enough proposition by players and their agents. Players and agents aren´t stupid, they´ll have done their homework, they know which clubs and paticularly which promoted clubs, will have the best chance of surviving as well as those that won´t – unfortunately we belong in the second category. Afobe was a clear case in point, despite us getting in first with an offer, he chose Bournemouth ahead of us.
I´m sure the board´s targets and ambitions at the start of the season were no less ambitious than Bournemouths or Watfords – stay up first and foremost, and then build from there, but that can only be done if players are willing to come, and be willing to work within our wage budget. I think some fans need to be a little more realistic as to what levels of expectation they can place on the club. Personally, I think we´ve probably found our right level, the middle to top end of the Championship, with the possibility of a top 6 finish every now and again – and, a bit like you and Anna, Mr. Cook, although the thought of bagging the ultimate prize, is tempting, the times we´ve actually got a foothold, we´re very soon reminded just how unforgiving and unpleasent the whole experience is.
Steve – I remember you well. Some good times but football was your mistress back then.
As with any relationship, we all go through good and bad times supporting our club over the years. When things get tough, you stick in there and hope things work out for the best. It takes two to tango.
“Better to have one woman on your side than ten men.”
Anna (6) – you were boring and really quite mean but Norwich City have still caused me more pain than you ever did x
Feel like we´re slightly intruding on something here, but well done Anna for putting your side, and I particularly like your last sentence!
I guess that’s the most unusual ending to a NCFC article I’ve ever read. You’ll never cut it at Mills & Boon, Steve:-)
So you’re the dirty rat that broke my princess’s heart? She said it was your acne that came between you and her.
The PL is the only place to be – everyone is trying to get there (except the Derby chairman) – we don’t want to get marooned like Marcus Evans Inc. – they ain’t having much fun.