Headmaster’s Report – Period covered: Autumn/Winter Term 2017

Our school has been through an extensive rebuilding following the unfortunate demolition of the main wing named after former staff members Mr Hope and Miss Dreams, last season. We now have Mr Webber overseeing the work of Headmaster Herr Farke on behalf of the board of governors and the results thus far have been mixed to say the least.

We clearly endured some major teething problems at the beginning of term, culminating in a hugely disappointing day trip to South London, where, despite being paired together as partners, Martin and Franke managed to get lost and have not been seen since. Herr Farke reorganised the standards of behaviour after this debacle and we then began to see a marked improvement in test scores, culminating in an inspirational visit to the Holloway and Islington Library, where our boys were, in the words of Herr Farke “much better in their behaviours”.

Unfortunately, this proved to be somewhat of a false dawn and since then the school has become a dull, if fractious, environment once more as we seek a more inspirational direction for the future.

Gunn, Angus : A-
In a sea of ineptitude at times he has been a lighthouse of hope. Although younger than those in his work area, he has found his voice and taken charge to good effect. You would never know he had been purely home-schooled ahead of this term. Well done Angus!

Pinto, Ivo : B
Pinto has assumed the role of Head Boy this term and has adjusted to it well. Previous incumbents such as Shackell and Bassong have found the responsibility too much and their test results have suffered but Pinto has maintained a good standard, without being on top form, and always gives his all.

Husband, James : C+
Husband joined us at the start of term and to begin with found standards hard to adjust to at his new school. However, he has clearly put in some study hours and before his recent absence (and before Burton – Ed) was showing signs of fitting in nicely. He now has a battle to retain his desk on the left side of the room with young Lewis.

Lewis, Jamal : B-
Young Lewis has just been moved up a year due to his impressive rate of development. We await good things from the brief signs of promise thus far.

Stiepermann, Marco : C+
Stiepermann has had a difficult term in some ways as he has been asked to take certain subjects that he was not overly familiar with, and which he has found difficult to adapt to at times. However, he is clearly a talented young man, and if channeled in the right direction by Herr Farke he could definitely be an asset to the school.

Martin, Russell : D
Our former head boy has not returned to class since the trip to South London in August. This makes the decision to sign him up for extra years of Further Education in the summer all the more mystifying. Rumour has it that he has been spotted helping the Juniors out which is what you would expect of a young man of excellent moral fibre. His future remains unclear.

Franke, Marcel : D
Things have not worked out for Franke so far following his family’s move to England in the summer, so much so that he has apparently returned home to finish his studies this year. At times he appeared calm and competent in class, if a little too detached from the pace of the lessons. His confidence took a major knock following the South London day trip and his loss could be a costly one for the school. We will see him again next year to see whether we can progress.

Klose, Timm : B+
It is no coincidence that when Klose was missing at the start of the school year, all manner of shenanigans were occurring at the back of the classroom. A hugely likeable, calming figure, Klose’s return resulted in a much-improved learning environment and he also aided the development of Young Zimmermann next to him. A very solid term of work.

Zimmermann, Cristoph : B+
Our new boy arrived with modest expectations but has fitted in extremely well, showing all the attributes one would hope for from a young man in his position. Zimmermann is already performing at a level high above that which we expected and although he has made mistakes he appears to learn quickly from them. A very promising beginning.

Hanley, Grant : B
After the South London disaster Mr Webber acted quickly to bring in Hanley from another school. With Martin and Franke lost, presumed expelled, someone with Head Boy experience was required to quieten down the back of the room. As it was Klose and Zimmermann had already managed to achieve this and Hanley has had to wait to make his presence felt in class. An obviously dependable young man, I feel he will be the backbone of this class before long.

Tettey, Alex : B
Herr Farke originally found Tettey to be superfluous to his new way of teaching and moved him from his previous role in the middle of the classroom. However, when the class were clearly suffering, Tettey returned and the class’s most successful spell of the year followed. It is no coincidence that when he was sent to matron’s office earlier in the year, things once again took a turn for the worse. The health of Tettey is therefore vital for the class for the rest of what may prove to be his final year at the school

Trybull, Thomas : B+
As with Zimmermann, little was expected of this new student whose prodigious talents at an early age were never quite realised as he progressed in years. However, since arriving in class he has added some boisterous and productive traits. Herr Farke believes that there is more to come from Trybull too and if we can allow him time to develop we may see his full potential soon.

Reed, Harrison : B
A pocket dynamo, Reed’s bustling style and commitment to the school despite only being an exchange student have endeared him to all. He has many exceptional qualities, only lacking the stature to compete in his chosen area at the highest level. Herr Farke is no doubt plotting how to get the best out of a very talented young man over the rest of the year.

Vrancic, Mario : C
Whilst clearly a very intelligent boy, Mario has to have everything “just so” to be able to function to anywhere near his full potential. He gets skittish if too many other boys are around him which can lead him to hiding away or making bad choices. Herr Farke has spent a lot of time trying to make Vrancic fit in successfully but he now needs to be the one to adapt. It’s sink or swim time Mario!

Maddison, James : A
The whole school was aware last year of a promising young student named Maddison but Mr Neil chose to send him on an exchange trip to Aberdeen instead. This season, Herr Farke has brought him into the class and he has been a revelation thus far. Whilst I still contend he needs to be sat further back in class, behind Pritchard where his influence can be better felt, he has been marvellous and a rare bright spot. Needs to work on not overdoing things, and has had his fair share of kickings this year (nobody likes a smart-arse), but has not let this affect him. Keep up the good work young man!

Pritchard, Alex : B
Has been in sick bay all term, yet his return has already shown signs of improving the class immeasurably. Some have said he is our most important student and I would struggle to disagree with this. Of all the students who may move to a different school in the near future I think Pritchard may be the most irreplaceable, even above Maddison.

Hoolahan, Wesley : C+
Herr Farke has used Hoolahan sparingly this term and his results have suffered accordingly. The class has previously only performed well when Hoolahan has been central to the lesson plan, but increasingly Maddison and Pritchard appear to be taking these roles. Whilst this has been planned with Hoolahan’s graduation imminent, it is still sad to see such a well-loved student not involved as much.

Naismith, Steven : C
It was hoped that Herr Farke would be able to find a way to cajole the level of performance from Naismith that had been expected when he arrived at the school. Instead, he has spent virtually the entire term in sick bay with Wheezy Jarvis. Another who has made noises about moving schools in January although for the life of me I can’t see one that would want to take him.

Wildschut, Yanic : C+
Clearly not a favourite of Herr Farke, I have a lot of sympathy with young Wildschut. Whilst performing whole-heartedly during his rare opportunities to shine in class this year, he has often been ignored. His answers to questions can be a little predictable and he is not the most sophisticated of students, but sometimes a blunt answer is required to a stubborn question. I hope for Wildschut’s sake he gets an opportunity soon.

Murphy, Josh : C+
Murphy no longer looks like he is enjoying life at the school very much. He has appeared fractious and disinterested in the months following his brother’s departure. Clearly, he is immensely talented, but he needs to work harder to supplement this talent. A good student cannot run on talent alone. Only he can decide his future in the coming months. He could find himself at a top university, or he could end up back with the Juniors. It is in Murphy’s own gift.

Watkins, Marley : C
Watkins has struggled to make his presence felt since moving to the school. He is hard-working, well-organised and reliable but lacks the all-round verve to be a major player in the classroom. Slightly underwhelming contribution thus far.

Jerome, Cameron : C
Clearly playing second fiddle to Oliviera at the front of the class, Jerome has let nobody down this year without setting the world of learning alight with his test scores. Another who may well depart the school soon, he has been a strong performer for a long while and has done the school proud over the years. His time has probably passed now though.

Oliviera, Nelson : B-
Of all the boys Herr Farke has taught I doubt many have tested his patience and discipline as much as Oliviera. Clearly an extremely talented boy, he is easily frustrated, truculent, and regards himself as more important than those around him. Many observers have openly wondered if Oliviera’s test scores are worth the cost of having him in the class but at this stage the other students seem to be behind him and so we persevere. If Oliviera’s fiery temperament can be appropriately channeled the rewards to the school would be obvious.

Herr Farke : C+
Herr Farke deserves credit for making changes after the South London trip disaster, and altering his well-made yet faltering plans. After some success he has once again found the going tough-again. Whilst he has lost a lot of boys to matron’s sick bay this term, he now has them all back, and so there can be no excuses as to what happens next. We all wish Herr Farke the best of luck.