The eulogy – something hopefully none of our younger readers have ever had to deliver at a funeral but I bet most of us aged over 50 have.
I’ve done four of them – one for every goal Antonio scored on Saturday. For my grandmother, father, mother and an old rascal of an uncle.
So I might as well do a fifth and obviously in this case it’s for Norwich City 2019-20. But the thing with eulogies is that you are supposed to say nice things about the deceased, exaggerating the good parts and keeping quiet about the bad bits. That’s the theory anyway.
So to exaggerate the good points, as Mick Dennis pointed out the other day, we have already signed several what are hopefully good youngsters with huge potential. And we are reliably informed by Michael Bailey of The Athletic that there should be three more to come. I’m presuming Jacob Lungi Sorenson is a done deal.
We’re not broke and MWJ and Delia are still at the helm . At the moment Daniel Farke and Stuart Webber [+ presumably Ben and Zoe] are committed until 2023 and there’s nothing wrong with that. I know the noise is building but I’m prepared to ignore it. For now.
Adam Idah and Josh Martin have had some, albeit meagre, game time. Plus Daniel has been quoted in the national media as saying, in the context of Ben, Emi, Max and Todd:
“Everyone has dreams but they know they owe a lot to this club. Everyone feels the responsibility to play a part in returning [to the PL] as quickly as possible.
“I don’t expect any problems. They signed long term contracts as they are fully committed.”
Nice one Daniel. I’ve never been one to doubt your veracity before – genuinely – so I’m sure you’re quite correct in this case too.
But why do I keep thinking of Ricky Tomlinson’s catchprase in The Royle Family?
Within the concept of the eulogy, I didn’t mention at the time why uncle Joe was barred from every pub in Forest Gate, the time my grandma set her hair on fire when trying to light an old fashioned gas stove or all the duty free dad liberated from ships docked at the West India – freely offered after a vessel’s clean bill of health when he and his pal didn’t look too closely – so it wasn’t exactly theft, ahem.
So I shouldn’t eulogise about terrible early-season injuries, lack of effective recruitment, no steel whatsoever within the squad, exorbitant and ineffective loans. Or a dearth of decent centre-backs that were capable of retaining fitness…
And a complete fecking surrender at the onset of project restart.
21 points, 69 goals conceded, the lowest amount of goals scored away from home in PL history and the glorious chance to lose 10 matches in a row, scoring just one goal in that process.
With Chelsea, Burnley and Citeh coming down the tracks the latter is a realistic possibility, believe me.
None of us even know when we’ll be allowed back inside the Carra and although I understand why it’s still so very frustrating.
But at least this ba$tard of a season is over for us. At last.
And let’s hope this time next year I can write a Jubilo rather than a Eulogy.