Headteacher’s Report: Andy H delivers his half-way appraisal of the Class of 2021

As the famous composer B. Jovi. once said, “Wooooooohhhh, we’re halfway there”.

Herr Farke’s class were very low on confidence after a difficult last year, but they have done us all proud with a sparkling return to the results we always knew they were capable of.

We all hope they can continue in this vein for the remainder of the year and produce the exam results we expect.

Krul, T. [A] – Krul has been exemplary, and is a towering figure within the classroom, both figuratively and metaphorically. There is nobody at this level of education in the country who can do what he does.

McGovern, M. [B] – A very mature boy, his initial results in class were very concerning. As time continued he improved and at times had moments of genius that delighted us all.

Aarons, M. [A] – For such a young man he has displayed maturity beyond his years and avoided a multitude of distractions. His work in class has been everything we expected and more. It’s a mark of his quality that when he had one under-par test score recently that we were shocked because his consistent high level of performance was almost taken for granted. A wonderful young man.

Quintilla, X. [B] – A promising beginning was disrupted by a prolonged period in sick bay. His work has been encouraging with his delivery and drive coming to the fore. It’s a tonic to see him involved once more, and it will be interesting to see him tested further in the latter terms.

Sorensen, J. [A-] – We have had to ask Sorensen to attempt some subjects he has never studied before and he has been an absolute star. Hard-working and surprisingly flexible, he has given his all. This lad has a very bright future at the school.

Gibson, B. [A-] – Although only at the school on an exchange visit, Gibson already feels like a mainstay of the class. A natural leader, he fits in nicely on the left at the back of the classroom and naturally finds solutions to difficult equations that nobody else in class can. He’s a model of solidity.

Hanley, G. [A] – Our Head-Boy has put his previous health troubles behind him and enjoyed his most stable and influential period at the school. Herr Farke’s teaching has had a positive effect on Hanley, and he appears to be a far more rounded and capable pupil.

Zimmermann, C. [B-] – A popular, senior member of the class, he has been commanding at times, with only the occasional error letting him down overall. Nobody will ever outwork Zimmermann or be more determined than him though.

Tettey, A. [A] – Although called on relatively infrequently in class, Tettey has been outstanding in every test he has taken. He keeps to the subjects he excels in and produces consistently strong results every time he’s tested.

Skipp, O. [A] – Another exchange student, another whose commitment cannot be questioned. Skipp has a 100% attendance record and has not let his lack of experience hold him back. Tenacious and energetic, he adds some much-needed youthful exuberance at the heart of the classroom.

Rupp, L. [A-] – Expectation for Rupp was not high following some underwhelming test results last year. However, hitherto unseen abilities have been revealed and Herr Farke’s decision to persevere with Rupp’s teachings has borne fruit. Technically sound, he has added a vibrancy and tenacity to his studies which has impressed us all.

Vrancic, M. [A-] – Every time the class has struggled for a solution to a difficult question, Vrancic has been the one to step forward and provide something incredible that has left us speechless. He’s blown somewhat hot and cold in general but there is nobody we’d rather have to step up on behalf of the class in a tight spot.

McLean, K. [B+] – Another to have spent extended periods in sickbay, McLean has been frustrating at periods this year but recently his performances have improved greatly and we are seeing McLean reach his potential finally.

Dowell, K. [B] – Dowell has yet to have sufficient time in class to form a valid opinion. What we have seen has been sporadically impressive, but he has spent most of the term in sick bay. We look forward to getting to know this young man more.

Stiepermann, M. [B-] – Stiepermann has many great qualities, not least how well he works with Pukki, and the class has benefitted from that already this term. However, his test results have been up and down. Matron advises this may be down to health reasons so of course we accept this, and hope for a healthy return soon.

Cantwell, T. [B+] – God love him, Cantwell’s a trier. The problem is that Cantwell’s the boy that goes online, learns all the cool tricks, watches YouTube to decide what is or isn’t cool, verifies it on TikTok and then tries to be effective, not realising that 95% of what he’s learnt is absolutely pointless in the real world. He has fantastic talent. He has no clue how to turn great moments into a great test result or a series of results though. He could be the second best player in this class behind Buendia. But he lacks the consistency to do so. A lesser scholar that can hit 8/10 on a weekly basis will be more effective than Todd without half his talent by making a difference every test . YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP EVERY TIME CANTWELL!

Martin, J. [B-] – This is a difficult one. Martin is very young and has shown so much promise in patches. However, every time he has been given a chance to impress from the start of class he has underwhelmed and hasn’t grasped his opportunities. Given his age and promise I think we continue to give him opportunities but wait until he makes it absolutely impossible to leave him out of a class discussion.

Buendia, E. [A+] – I love this boy so much.

He’s my north, my south, my east, my west, my working week and my Sunday best.

He has the highest grade of any boy at this level of education and if he remains at this school we’ll be back in the Ivy League in May, of that I have no doubt.

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus let him stay at this school.

Placheta, P. [B] – A fine debut into the English school system. Placheta is a rough diamond with so many rare and valuable traits that once refined he could be exceptionally valuable. He’s one of the quickest pupils we have ever experienced but he can be diverted a little too easily, and will need to be educated a little more to concentrate and ensure he stays on his own path and not that of others.

Idah, A. [B-] – Idah has only proved an occasional contributor to class discussions but has provided the closing argument before which helped us on our way this term. Promise had yet to turn to results, so we wait to see what happens in the last two terms when Hugill and newcomer Soto begin to challenge his position in class.

Hugill, J. [B-] – A difficult opening, Hugill arrived at school as something unusual that would add a different option to the class. However, he has had limited opportunities to impress and as yet he has been unable to make his mark, mainly because he has not been needed for the most part. This will be an interesting and important second half of the year for him. I would ask him to research Leonardo Ulloa at Leicester University for guidance as to how to progress in his current role effectively.

Pukki, T. [B+] -Pukki has reached the targets that have been set for him, but has yet to fully convince everybody of his effectiveness. Whilst his test scores compare favourably with almost everyone at this level of education, we know how much better Pukki can do. The second half of the year will decide a lot about whether Pukki, or someone else, will be spearheading us into the following year.

Herr Farke. [A+] – Given the huge task of restoring faith to a faltering, bedraggled classroom, few people would have been up to the task. Fortunately Herr Farke channelled his inner Michelle Pfieffer and managed to make these inner-City hoodlums into regular fine-arts experts. An incredible job. Considering the amount of time he has been missing key pupils due to illness and injury, even more so. Most Valuable Player in the classroom by far in the first half of the year.