Inspired by Bill Wigglestick’s famous ‘seven ages of man’ soliloquy from ‘Do I Not Like That’ (memorably played by Graham Taylor) – here are my Five Ages of the Football Fan…
The Debut
Everyone remembers their first time. No, not that. The first time you attended a football match at a proper ground, of a real team. One that’s in the papers and on the TV. Although this initiation can happen later, it usually occurs when you’re a youngster and accompanied by a family member. Often it’s the first time you’ve been in the company of so many adults – all of them seeming so tall, mumbling, grumbling, and shouting unusual words. It’s colourfully disconcerting and a little alarming. Then the game itself starts on the lovely green pitch and the vibrantly-hued players dance on the grass in the lights attempting to hoof a ball into the goal and make the net billow like the sail of fishing smack. It’s a sensory feast. Much like the nostalgic smell of Embassy No. 1, Courage Best, and a freshly-printed Pink ‘Un, the memory lingers.
Heroes
Soon, the players cease to be an abolute collective in your mind. They separate out into individuals and you begin to find favourites. This personalises the team to you and begins the long process of ownership which you pay for on hire-purchase over the following decades. Of course you never actually finish the payments, and all you get back is the occasional dividend of sharp emotion, satisfaction, and – now and again – joy.
Promotion
Then there are the ‘ups’, the good times. They come, they stay – then they go. Enjoy them when and while you can. Like a capricious lover they shout, pout, and leave – but they always come back and make you fall in love with them all over again.
Relegation
Just when you think you’ve got the hang of it all, this football thing, tragedy will inevitably strike. It’s the sanction for taking it for granted, the price to pay for being complacent. It can drag you low, lower than the lowest tide; leaving you stranded to dry, crusty and muddy, a mile from shore. But, eventually a new high tide will pick you up, un-gloop you from the mire, and wash you back in to the land of the living. It always happens, it’s just a matter of time. You must always remember the lows though, because they afford you the privilege of the final and most satisfying stage…
Redemption
Like all the best movies, the tragedy which jeopardises everything before the third reel is never wholly successful. The villain is a flawed force and can’t ever quite kill the hero and is powerless to totally eliminate the finest quality of all – Hope. And the crisis is always followed by recovery and redemption. A period of reassessment and introspection, followed by a realisation of perspective; and finally, acceptance and the renewal of belief. Clutch your pleasure and hold it close to you. It will keep you happy in your old age as you look back on… The Five Ages of the Football Fan.
It ain’t so bad really…
OTBC
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For the record, my Five Ages are as follows:
Debut: City’s 2-0 win against Leicester City at Carrow Road on 20th September 1975
Heroes: Ted MacDougall, Martin Peters, and Duncan Forbes
Promotion: 1985/86 Second Division Champions under Ken Brown
Relegation: 2008/09 demotion to League One
Redemption: The Stuart Webber and Daniel Farke era
No doubt you have a different Five Ages. Care to care to share yours?
Hi Chris
Only caught this by accident as I’m now going for a beach walk with the dogs – it’s spot on and something everyone of a certain age can relate to.
You made a major gaffe though: it was Embassy No.1, not No.5 🙂
Not the way I smoked ’em! Cheers Martin. Gary, any chance you could correct my error? To be fair in those far off smoking days I was a Raffles man. Don’t judge me…
There was also Embassy No2, tiny things. Really good for a quick ciggie behind Hewett School pool and for hiding from your parents.
Lovely article, thank you Chris.
My Dad took me to Luton Town but I didn’t catch that bug, it was non league for me, then City & Spurs together which is somewhat strange. I wanted to be Pat Jennings or Kevin Keelan
I took my eldest daughter (9 years) to her first City game in Oct 1995 v QPR, 1-0 down at h/t we won 4-2 and she was hooked! Now in her mid 30’s she believes this was awful parenting and an act of cruelty as that day I inflicted upon her a life sentence of inescapable worry & stress!
I’ve been saying we’re up for weeks now but alas she’s no faith in my predictions. As I write she will no doubt in the back of her mind be working out how we are going to capitulate, finish 3rd and play the Binmen next season who will gain promotion via the play-off’s. I laugh and she tells me to **********!
Secretly I know she’s pleased I took her 26 years ago!
It must have been touch and go with the NSPCC! No, it’s a wonderful club to support with plenty of ups and down to keep even the most jaded fan interested! Thanks Colin M. Lovely stuff.
You’re not alone Colin. Both Alex B and myself very much grew up with Spurs as well as City!
28th Sept 1974 v Man Utd home 2-0. Didn’t see the goals because on dads shoulders and he had to take regular breaks
Heroes Jimmy Neighbour and Kevin Reeves
Loads of promotions but 1982. Limbs on the Leppings Lane at Sheffield Weds – a defeat but Leicester loss meant promotion
Loads of relegations but 1985 when we were on the beach after Wembley with 49 points from 42 matches and Coventry won their last 3 games
Redemption the Lambert years 2009 to 2012 with my sons (followed the turgid years from Fulham away 2005 to relegation at Charlton to league 1 in 2009) – Holt, Hoolahan, Ruddy etc
Thanks Seamus. I remember talking to an NCFC reserve player when playing snooker in the Stracey in 1985 with those three games to go. He assured me they’d stay up. He was wrong, but they should have done. Coventry beat already comfortable champions Everton 3-1 or 4-1 on the last game to stay up. And they say there’s never a good time to play someone!
Great article as always. Thanks MFW. First time responding:
Debut: 1984 – Norwich 3 Liverpool 3. What a game in the sun. Family all went from holiday in Trimingham.
Heroes: John Deehan, Dale Gordon, Ruel Fox, Robert Fleck (never forget him saying with a big smile “I’m doing my best” against Sutton when crowd shouting “come on Flecky boy”) and Chris Sutton.
Promotion: Same with Ken Brown but special place taking my son to Wembley in 2015.
Relegation: 1985 (after joy of Milk Cup) tears when Coventry won I think 4 games in a row after we’d finished season including beating champions Everton.
Redemption: where to start…not sure it fits but my endless joy was Mike Walker and that UEFA run (the best for me was the 2nd half against V Arnhem) but, not surprisingly, enjoying present era too.
OTBC.
Cheers Simon. Thanks for the comment. Some great memories in there. It’s worth reminding about how good that period was under Walker. Brilliant times. Gotta enjoy the good stuff when it comes along.
Thanks Simon – I reckon we’re the same age. Very similar shared memories. Born mid-70s?!
Great article, Chris!
Debut – Leicester at Carrow Road – we won 2-1 with a 90th minute Sutch winner. Debuts cannot get better than a 90th minute winner!
Heros have changed…. started with Sutton and Fox, through Eadie, Robert’s, Mulryne, Huckerby, Holt and Hoolahan to Pukki and EMI.
Highs – Cardiff 2002 (literally the best thing that had happened since I started following the canaries in 1993). Promotion in 2003/4. Loved the Lambert rollercoaster and even more so, the FARKE steamtrain! (2019 was so much better than this season due to the unexpected nature of ‘this could actually happen’) all played out with the glorious FARKEball we love seeing.
Lows – any one of the numerous insipid championship seasons I was forced to endure either in the mid-late 90s or mid late naughties.
Thanks M MacB. Ugh, I agree about those hideous dull and hopeless 15 years! Barely a pebble in the desert. But agree more about all the great stuff you listed too. Like the ‘rollercoaster’ and ‘steamtrain’ analogies; they more or less sum it up. Great times both, but an extra frisson when it’s unexpected.
So….
Debut – August 1972. City v Everton. Club’s first game in the top flight.
Heroes – Bone, Suggett, Peters, Fashanu, Gunn, Crook, Fleck, Huckerby, Holt, Wes, Stiepi…
Promotion – Hillsborough 1982 v Sheffield Wed. Lost, but still promotion. 9000-strong travelling army.
Relegation – Fulham. Craven Cottage.
Redeption – That night at Fratton Park. May 2011
Cheers Gary. This has stirred a few memories. Nice to read and be reminded of some really great times. And looks like we’re in the middle of another purple patch. And surely you’re not old enough to go that far back!
Great article, certainly made me think.
Debut: City’s 4-2 win against Stoke City at Carrow Road on 20th November 1982
Heroes: John Deehan, Mark Barham, Kevin Drinkell…
Promotion: 1985/86 Second Division Champions under Ken Brown
Relegation: 1994 hurt the most, because it was so avoidable
Redemption: The Lambert era – suddenly the drudgery of the late 2000s proved to be a blip