A few years after I was born in late 1957, there were two well-known USA sitcoms shown on black and white TV in the UK that were beloved of ex-servicemen everywhere.
The first was Sgt Bilko, aka You’ll Never Get Rich or simply the Phil Silvers Show. As a kid growing up I loved it in all of its incarnations, although Dad had to explain some of the plot and a few of the in-jokes. I was only ten at the time.
The other one was, I guess, slightly more obscure but found itself to these fair shores nonetheless.
Centred around two big-hearted but as daft-as-a-brush recruits to the USAAF, it was called No Time For Sergeants. Dad loved it but I really couldn’t understand much of it at the time although retrospectively it was like The Beverly Hillbillies in uniform.
You’ll already know where I’m going with this theme but you’ll have to wait until the end because there is so much else to discuss in the middle.
Yet again we were subjected to a very high press, this time from Brighton who even if Graham Potter was too diplomatic to actually come out and say it, must have sniffed blood and fancied their chances. It wasn’t to be for the Seagulls, but we plainly didn’t make the most of the chances we had and at times didn’t know whether to sit on what we had or go for broke.
I was pleased to see our solid-looking central three at the back looking pretty decent. Ben Gibson, Ozan Kabak and to a lesser extent Grant Hanley had a few iffy moments but nothing too dodgy, while Max Aarons was far more subdued going forward than usual. His fellow wingback Dimi Giannoulis was more adventurous and had occasional back-up from Kenny McLean, who I felt had one of his better games in the yellow and green.
However, the Mayor was never going to get the midfield plaudits compared to the ever-improving performances of his partners in the *three*, as in Pierre Lees-Melou [who put in his greatest shift so far] and Mathias Normann, who was at the heart of things for most of the match apart from tiring towards the end from what we now understand to be another bout of cramp. He seems to be match-fit, but not 90-minute match fit. That will surely come.
Tim Krul wasn’t actually overworked but he did everything right when he had to. That fingertip he got to Leandro Trossard’s fine effort to flick it onto the bar was something else when looked at on the Sky highlights – few in the Barclay realised he’d even made contact with the ball and I certainly didn’t from 120 yards away.
As for the penalty issue, consensus is that our Tim did catch Neal Maupay but not to the extent that the slightest of contact merited a penalty, which was shortly to be confirmed by our current ally, VAR. Screeny McScreenface had a day off so we had to make do with guesswork and assumption during the incident.
Teemu Pukki worked hard but those old bright celestial objects didn’t align for him – yet again – and Milot Rashica showed some useful pace when he eventually appeared. We’re gonna need Rashica on much, much earlier if we intend to play on the counter.
At half-time one of my matchday buddies Steve and I jested about when Farke might make any changes. He said nothing until 75 minutes precisely and I retorted with *Adam Idah on in the 89th, whatever the score*. Our personal exchange ended in a 1-1 draw, of course.
So it was a point apiece with Brighton doubtless the happier bunnies as a result.
The old thought train has returned to its point of origin at last, as in: do we have time for Sargent’s?
Well, our lad Josh busted a gut and put in a real shift but his charge sheet reads: one appalling first touch followed by a really pi$$ poor effort at scoring the first goal in front of an inhabited Barclay in something getting on for two years. In the latter incident everybody had got up in front of me so my vision was obstructed but the replays later showed the evidence. It was pi$$ poor to the core.
Guilty on both counts.
He is a young lad, learning all the time and not yet fully integrated into the finer points of Farkeball, although that itself seems to be in transition at the moment. That’s the mitigation, so he is released from this court with probation officer Daniel on hand to supervise and encourage him during this period.
I do question why we spent something like £8 million on such a raw prospect for part of our Premier League recruitment but Stuart Webber and Daniel Farke know the answer to that one, not me.
Josh Sargent only needs one to go in via any part of his body and that will encourage him. It would be good if that happened sooner rather than later, because we are already running out of *laters*.
And, as you’ve noticed, I got through the whole article without mentioning Billy Gilmour 
Good morning Martin on this mild but overcast start to the week. A rather excellent title to the article this week.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t be at NR1 for personal reasons, but both DDF (David Freezer!!) and MB healed praise on the fans – a shame I missed it. ☹️
There was a really interesting article by PD yesterday where he was saying that DF has significantly changed the way we play to make us more secure in defence, at the expense of attack and I’m sure the fans will get used to it eventually.
From the clips I’ve seen, Normann is really getting into his stride, as is PLM (Lees-Mellou) and I’m sure most of our other new signings will soon get ‘up to speed’ as well and we may will see a change towards the Farkeball that we know and love. I can’t see a complete reversal however.
Whilst most Mums/wives in the North East were wondering what happened to their supply of tea towels this week, a group has formed which is strongly opposed to the takeover, but I don’t expect it to achieve anything. I fear Steve Bruce may be looking for a new job soon – at least it won’t be at Colney/NR1.
If rumours are to be believed, both Dyche and OGS could be dreading the post in the next couple of weeks. ⚽
Martin, I think even Doberman might have rolled that chance into an empty net. (Check out Bilko on YouTube, if you’re not the right vintage). I think he could even have taken it on another couple of yards and made sure, but he didn’t, so there we are. Hopefully, he’ll learn, but he won’t get many opportunities like that, though credit to him for the work in closing the keeper down and making the chance.
Hi Jim
I actually think there is a little bit of Col. Hall in Daniel Farke – that part being where he smiles through adversity in the face of Bilko’s antics.
Yes indeed Sergant worked hard throughout but lacked composure when the gates of heaven opened up for him. A certain Grant Holt would have buried it, and I’ve certainly seen Cameron Jerome convert a couple of pretty similar chances.
As for who is currently the Duane Dobermann of the squad we’ll all have our own views but I’m keeping mine to myself!
Cheers
Good morning Ed
Yes there’s certainly a sea change going on at the moment and some varied views on how what appears to be a new system [for us] is shaping up.
Less-Melou and Normann are certainly looking the part – well, they did on Saturday and that’s for sure. Normann’s got that style that most supporters love – as in up and at ’em.
I saw the Spurs game yesterday and those lads and lasses who had plundered grandma’s tea towels did not look too happy.
Rest easy, no way is Brucie coming to us 🙂
Cheers
Such a shame that Sargent is already remembered for one moment lacking composure, rather than a brilliant turn and snapshot, the sort of make-your-own-goal moment we’ve rather lacked from any of our strikers (including Pukki) for quite a while. Had that early effort crept in instead of sneaking wide you wouldn’t be wondering why we’ve paid £8m for him.
Anyway, having told all my north west friends we’d be pointless after 6 games and still stay up I’m now informing them I have a ticket for our first win of the season in a fortnight’s time. A couple of them are Leeds fans so if we lose that one I might have to take refuge in East Anglia for a while….
PS Are any vaccine checks etc. actually in place when getting in, or is it just back to normal?
Hi Keith
Well that’s original – you’ve got friends who support Leeds – I haven’t 🙂
I’ve never seen a Covid check at the four home matches I’ve been to but I carry my bit of cardboard from the NHS just in case. Hardly anyone is wearing masks anywhere [I’ve recently given up on it too] and I shared the Barclay service lift with three lads from Dereham who’d certainly left theirs in the pub – if you see what I mean.
They were a good laugh though – I could see the guy operating the lift smiling through his mask!
Cheers
Bilko certainly was a Top Cat.
You got through the article without mentioning Billy Gilmour. You also didn’t mention Christos Tzolis or Todd Cantwell.
As Marvin Gaye might have said if he came from Norwich, ‘wass gorn orn?’
Hi Don
Yeah Top Cat was based on Bilko – I think original creator Nat Hiken gave his permission to the cartoon folks but I’m not sure.
I can’t really mention players who are not on the pitch or even in the matchday squad – and no, I don’t know what TC’s situation is either right now.
Along with Sly’s There’s a Riot Going On, What’s Going On is the only soul album I ever bought, although I do love many Motown singles. Normally Gladys or Martha – check out the Jam’s take on Heatwave if you haven’t already.
Cheers
Love the Bilko references, what a show and like you Martin, one I watched with my father and I can ‘hear’ him laughing. I ‘blame’ Bilko for my later obsession with ‘MASH’.
Private Duane Doberman would of course only have nearly scored that golden chance squandered by our young Josh whose attempt would not have quite reached the line imo. However, it was much better and we competed all over the Park.
Tim Krul was magnificent!
Hi Colin
I’m really pleased to see some love for Bilko – probably the only USA comedy that has ever made me laugh apart from the Simpsons.
Equally pleased to see your praise for Krul too – mixing it up by playing longer helps his distributions as well.
Cheers
Hi Martin
Sgt Bilko it’s said that he was the inspiration for the early carry on films and starred in one called Follow that Camel.
Waiting with baited breather to see if Dermot Gallagher agrees with the penalty shout but Warnock with say a poor decision I guess.
JOSH reminds me of another with the same name but a twin lots of effort but lacks the calmness at vital moments hopefully that will change.
At least the new Scottish wonder boy will not be mentioned to much this coming weekend as he can’t play but there could be a word or two about his game time and a recall in January.
Middlesbrough and Colin are try to reinvent Onel Hernandez into a wing back and lost of praise for his defensive side last weekend maybe this loan might give us a new option if he returns and CW doesn’t throw at praise easily.
I will throw you Hogan’s Hero’s but like all those early American shows the canned laughter was poor.
Can we see our own version of Hogan’s Hero’s on Saturday or will it be more Army Game or Bootsy and Snudge but it could surprise us and Get some in.
Onwards and upwards
OTBC
Stay Healthy and Keep Safe
Alex B,
Hogans Hero’s and Stalag 13, thanks for the memory.
Just a mention for Wessy, a great comeback for Cambridge v Ipswich on Saturday still don’t think he’s lost to that lot!
Did you see him celebrate the CUFC equaliser?
He went double ape$hit!
Hi Alex
Yes, Phil Silvers was indeed in Carry On – Follow That Camel. It wasn’t about Newcastle United, Delia, in case you’re reading. Actually the film got panned at the time.
There seems to be no room for Onel here with Rashica, Zlotis and even Placheta but if we end up where I fear we might next season, you never know.
I didn’t mention Billy G in the article and I’m not gonna start now – there are enough out there on social media already without me putting my half a crown in 🙂
Cheers
I am sure that each and every one of us will join me on behalf of the MFW community in expressing our very best wishes to our young keeper Dan Barden who has been diagnosed with testicular cancer.
All the very best for a safe and speedy recovery Dan – you’re so well respected for the part you played last season.
Get well soon Dan and come back stronger.
Well mentioned Martin and all my best wishes and a speedy recovery
Amen
Morning Martin, excellent summary as usual.
Of the two shows you mention it is only Sgt Bilko I remember. And another one of the oldies I can easily recall, Muffin the Mule would be far to unkind too mention as regards Saturdays miss.
It was a bad miss but plenty of time was left on the clock and it wasn’t as if it was 2-3 minutes to go, perish the thought.
I am a bit mystified as to the amount of very young players we have signed in this transfer window, including Josh for considerable amounts of money. Usually we sign these youngsters for next to nothing for the under 23’s.
So far Gilmour, Tzolis and Sargent have failed to make any sort of contribution though Ozan Kabak has improved from a dodgy debut considerably.
I like 99% of supporters applauded the work Stuart Webber has done with recruitment this summer, and it is far too early to judge as to its success or failure.
But bringing in so many new faces it does seem to have given Daniel Farke a headache as to where to play them all.
Now we seem to be in a position where our most skillful players, Cantwell, Dowell and Gilmour cannot get a game.
But credit where it is due, Daniel has addressed the defensive issue for the time being but he will soon have to start risking things. Drawing at home with 30 minutes to go against most opponents there will come a time when he will have to go for it.
And that will mean positive substitutions.
Hi Tim
King John allegedly died through a *surfeit of lampreys* whereas we have a surfeit of young and relatively expensive forwards, as in Rashica, Tzolis and Sargent.
If you add Cantwell, Dowell and Gilmour to that mix – as you did – it really starts to make you wonder what’s going on.
Even with my most pessimistic head on I can’t bear to think Webber signed them in order for Farke not to play them and they’re certainly not the type to help us out in yet another Championship bunfight next season, in which case we wouldn’t have either Normann or Kabak on board either.
You don’t buy £8million players for the Champo.
I can proudly say I’m too young to remember Muffin the Mule, I kind of started with the Woodentops and Ivor the Engine.
Cheers
The prices paid is a sorry reflection on clubs upping the fees when a premiership comes calling.
Newcastle will find it hard come January every moaning dog will want a cut of their new found Oil Money.
City were in negotiations for long periods to get Sargent and Normann and had to up the offer a few times to get the deals done.
Clubs will hold out knowing that last minute deals get money dosh
Too true. I’ve no empathy with NUFC whatsoever but they are sure to be ripped off in January. I know they couldn’t have kept this particular takeover under the radar but realistically they haven’t done themselves any favours.
Many agents will be rubbing their hands in anticipation.
The sad part for me is to see so many people talking up a performance in which we could only draw at home to Brighton and in which their goalkeeper did not have a save to make. Of course we were better defensively we had three centre backs and three defensive midfielders on the pitch. Where is the creativity? I imagine the agents of Idah and Sorenson are actively seeking new clubs. I too predicted Idah would arrive on minute 89. Farke or premier league is the choice!!
Hi Cyprus – hope you’re enjoying the weather – we’re not!
I thoroughly concur about Idah but Sorenson remains a mystery to me as DF never speaks of him and he gets no game time even with the under 23s.
There’s something going on behind the scenes for sure, but DF isn’t asked about him at press conferences and I guess there could be a reason for that.
Cheers
Martin; I guess it must be a bit of melancholy, or merely accepting that we’re just not as good as we though we were, but a Sargent pun hadn’t crossed my aged mind prior to reading your column.
Small steps indeed, but Saturday was so, so much better than the Watford showing.
Indeed, if we can make it 3 clean sheets in a row this Saturday then I feel we will be “cookin’ on gas”, even at the new higher prices.
I close, however, by mentioning Billy Gilmour:- after the improvement at Burnley, and the fact that Gilmour is not allowed to play this coming Saturday, how on earth could Mr. Farke justify changing the starting line-up yet again??
O T B C
P.S. Best wishes to Dan Barden; get well soon, Dan!
Hi John
The Sergeant/Sergent thing just leaped out at me – It was fun looking up the old clip although, very much unlike Bilko, I still don’t really get the appeal of the show. Dad loved it though so that was nearly always good enough for me when I was a sprog!
I too fully expect the same starting XI at Stamford Bridge. I shouldn’t say it but this really will be a free hit so let’s see how it pans out.
Unless we’re still 0-0 around the hour mark [unlikely, I know] I wouldn’t mind some earlier substitutions. There’s a first time for everything.
Cheers
Hear hear Martin I know exactly how he’s feeling being on that boat myself and hear to tell you the tale all the best Dan get well soon .
Well said Kev mate.
See you for Leeds.
Hello Martin, an excellent read and considered responses. I sense a slightly jaded tone to your musings. I know how you feel.
Frighteningly, the Brighton game fell exactly 50 years to the day from my first ever carrow road attendance, making me feel somewhat a guest of honour on the day, unofficially of course. I felt an omen and a repeat of the score line was coming and was abnormally optimistic about the result.
What followed was good, bad and ugly in equal measure. The backbone located at Burnley hasn’t been discarded during the break and once again we showed some spirit. Krul and his assorted ensemble of defenders stuck to their tasks and appeared to take a previously unseen pride in keeping a clean sheet. The midfield wall stood firm, worked tirelessly and produced the odd moment of premier league quality. Particularly my new favourite player, Normann. He literally leaves nothing on the pitch.
Hard work aplenty up front 110 percent effort, blood, sweat and tears. I simply cannot fault the application of Pukki and Sargent. However, the finishing was Sunday league standard, the decision making when in great positions was appalling. Heads down at all times, particularly Sargent when a simple ball to pukki in the inside left channel would surely have borne fruit. Instead he held on too long and was scythed down on the edge of the box. Set pieces are worthless to us so it was a total waste of an opportunity.
The open goal miss was abysmal, not opinion, fact.
The use of. Substitutes as ever, is a cause for concern. Since his little faux pas against Liverpool in the cup, Tzolis has been on the naughty step. Given the hyperbole from the club which accompanied his signature and the feisty way he goes about his business, we can be forgiven for wondering why he can’t get even a couple of minutes action in the worst front line in English football. He totally outshone Idah against Liverpool and yet appears to,be behind him in the pecking order. I suppose now farke will utilise him for mission impossible at Chelsea and use his lack of impact to freeze him out for another month or two.
The fact that we have to strain literally every sinew to scrape two draws against the likes of Burnley and Brighton should tell us everything we need to know about the emasculation carried out this summer and the continued handicap imposed by self funding.
Hi Chris
Yes, jaded is the word as in the sense of same old, but a different version of *same old* if you see what I mean.
As much as I obviously love to watch the match itself, I’m becoming increasingly like Delia in that if I am honest with myself I’m going along for the social aspect as much as anything else.
MFW should have another take on self funding live in the morning. Don’t be afraid to put your ten cents in 🙂
Cheers
I’m sharpening my pen as we speak