The Canary nation is about to welcome the undisputed pride of East London, West Ham United, to Carrow Road. Leyton Orient can hardly dispute the pride title, so the fortuitous owners of the London Stadium as in Karren Brady and the porno twins with their travelling army will shortly descend upon us – complete with the admirable David Moyes ‘n’ all.
I hail from that neck of the woods. I was born at 51 Belton Road, Forest Gate London E7 on November 27, 1957.
It was a relatively short walk from there to Upton Park, or the Boleyn Ground as it was better known then to the locals such as my uncles Pete and Joe, who took me there on quite a few occasions.
Joey once made it out of that Green Street’s Duke of Edinburgh in time to join Pete and me in time for kick-off. I saw Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters play there and I am very grateful for that. Jimmy Greaves too, although he was playing for Spurs at the time.
Alan Mullery broke his leg during West Ham v Tottenham and Greavsie filled in at right-back. He kept Jonny Sissons quiet for the last half an hour so maybe he wasn’t quite as lazy as modern-day pundits often make him out to be. 1-0 to the Spurs on the day.
West Ham fans even had their own song for one of our better managers, the gentleman that is Ken Brown, when he played for them.**
Now the times have changed and the original indigenous population has moved away to places such as Romford, Brentwood and Chelmsford. All conveniently situated to pick up the rattler to our Fine City, of course.
But for all my fellow Yellows out there, I thought it only fair and fitting that I should proffer some advice on how to converse with these folks when they arrive in the hinterland of Carrow Road.
If they ask you for a Lady or a Jacks, keep your hands in your pockets. They don’t deserve a fiver from any of us. When they climb the apples to their seats and moan that it’s ‘Arry in the stands, pity them but ignore their sentiments. We climb the stairs and feel the cold too.
If, such as myself, you are inclined to visit the rub-a-dub for a pigs before the match, if questioned please politely suggest that the Coach & Horses on Thorpe Road accepts well-behaved away supporters and will serve them an alcoholic drink.
Hospitality staff should not be fazed by an order of a large Vera, a fine ‘n’ dandy and a gold watch. It simply means the customers require a double gin, a brandy and a scotch whisky.
If they clock NCFC director Stephan Phillips and suggest he is sporting a syrup or an Irish then I would tend to agree with them, although of course that is only a personal perception of said director’s tonsorial preferences.
And if you are addressed by some geezer with oy mush, where can I have a pie? do not direct them to a food outlet on the concourse but instead point out the direction of the gentlemen’s toilets because pie and mash, to them, means a slash. As does a gypsy’s or a snake’s of course.
Ignore their vile Claret & Blue dickies – we’re not talking builders’ kit here, just replica tops. And have no fear of their daisies – they haven’t worn those since the days of the three-day week.
Should any appear inebriated and ask where they might get a sherbet to assist them on their way home, point them gently in the direction of the taxi rank at Thorpe Station. Should they offer you a kick in the Alberts, or even the orchestras, walk away with a degree of haste. Your nadgers are worth more than their temporary displeasure.
You might encounter such folks on the Prince of Wales after the match and be asked ‘ow many Nelsons for a Ruby round ‘ere? If so, simply reply that prices for a curry in Norwich are far more reasonable than in London and recommend your favourite Indian restaurant. Mine happens to be Nemaste Village, although that would be quite a walk for them from PoW.
Their original name was Thames Ironworks, so they will be heard singing “come on you Irons” at frequent intervals during the game. But whatever you do, do not refer to any of them individually or collectively as an iron. You would most likely end up with a kick up the jacksy or worse.
In all seriousness, I have every respect for West Ham fans. With my background and upbringing, I’d have to really.
Having said that, if some of my boyhood friends from fifty years ago read this I’ll be brown bread.
And we all know what that means.
**
**
What a dental flosser, you Berkley hunt.
Unless your name is Danny Dyer you won’t hear any of that bollox.
Good morning Essexiron – hope the sun is shining brightly down your way 🙂
This was all about the 60s when I grew up and people did use these terms – and very frequently as well. I didn’t put in any of the made-up stuff from Minder.
You call us carrot-crunchers, reckon we have webbed feet and do despicable things to our sisters but there’s nothing insulting in my article.
I guess you’re probably too young to remember the real stuff. It’s only become a cliché because of its length history.
Thanks for giving me a good hammering – I’m sure you’ll do that to us collectively on Sunday on the pitch as well.
😘 Nah I’m old enough son,
Now the pressure is off & all you have to play for is not to finish bottom, we might be surprised & see a better side.
See you Sunday ⚒
Ha!
Fair play mate.
The article really was tongue in cheek and I closed it by giving you the respect you deserve for a reason – you should never forget your origins.
As for Sunday I wouldn’t expect too much from us tbh!
Blowing bubbles is one of the coolest thing I know in football cultural things. I know that finnish West Ham fans have had the opportunity to listen and chat with Sir Trevor Brooking. Okay I googled it, it was in Helsinki tickets price were 35 euro and it was likely sold out event.
Yesterday Manchester City incredible again lost opportunity to win champions league. When game was 0-1 and game time almost over, who would have thought that? It was dull game most part, but because of end drama you kind of wonder what did you saw yesterday? In many ways Liverpool-Manchester City final would have been this season cherry of the cake. Its interesting to see does both manage to win all their last league games? I have to say that italian referee yesterday also spoiled the game, your overall way of refereeing is most closest to right one because that way there is way more tempo and game is not all the time stopped. They just make too many mistakes, maybe foreign referees who learn your attitude of playing or var is solution? Already now var should correct at least corner kicks right, its easy and without interruption.
Did you have to mention Micheal Jackson and his chimpanzee.
Hi Bernie
Yes, there was a very non-pc joke about that *relationship* back in the day.
Although Jacko allegedly once attended a Fulham match so they built a statue at Craven Cottage to commemorate the visit. Now removed. The statue, not the chimp of course.
Cheers
Oh, I didnt remember that stuff at all.
It’s probably best I don’t elucidate on MFW any further than this:
Bubbles was the name of Jackson’s chimp and the word *blowing* refers to a sex act. I think you’ll get the general idea from there 🙂
We’ve got two terrier dogs but I don’t think I’d care for waking up to find a chimpanzee in the kitchen every morning or any morning!
Hi 1×2
Referees frustrate us in England, whichever team we support.
It is very difficult to praise most of them, although ones from the recent past I respect are Mark Halsey and Martin Atkinson. Many might disagree with me.
The official us Norwich supporters truly despise is Simon Hooper. We have a lot of history with him and he has made it very plain that he sides with the bigger teams whenever we play them. That is not merely supporter nonsense, other people who follow the likes of Southampton and Burnley have said the same regarding Hooper.
If it is possible to have a favourite referee, mine would Pierluigi Collina, who was firm, fair and also unintentionally created an image for himself.
A pity for us that he never officiated in the UK!
Kiitos
Your initial comment about Leyton Orient is a scummy and disrespectful comment about a lovely community club with a proud history. Wet Spam have taken over a public asset at the taxpayers’ expense,. They are paying sod all for a huge stadium. The fact that they are now playing within a mile of Orient doesn’t cause them to give a toss. Leyton Orient fans are a proud group and Norwich, who are the “only team in town” should not be disrespectful as you have been.
Hi David
What disrespect?
*Leyton Orient can hardly dispute the pride title* is what I wrote.
That centres around relative positions in the PL/EFL and nothing else I can assure you – no malice in my comment.
When I was a schoolboy in the late 60s me and a mate made up the numbers in a trial match for Orient at short notice and had a thoroughly enjoyable experience until we were subbed off – him at half time, me shortly afterwards but we were only last-ditch conscripts from Barley Lane school, Chadwell Heath.
A different mate’s dad owned Perkins Electrical on the High Road and a band I was in rehearsed at Leyton Midland studios [under the railway arches] a couple of times. I’ve great memories of Leyton, albeit well over 40 years ago now.
There’s nothing *scummy* or disrespectful towards the O’s in the article even if only because MFW doesn’t work that way.
I also said in the article that I don’t appreciate what West Ham have acquired on something of a freebie either.
It’s always good to hear from supporters of other clubs.
Blimey, Martin, you’ve upset a coupl,e of East End Boys today. No motorway bridges being built around there I hope are there!!
Hi Dan
My mate Wingnut worked for French’s when they were constructing the M11 – he had a mkI Cortina which had a concrete chassis by the time they finished the contract – the car leaked like a sieve and the rain mixed with the cement dust!
My conscience is clear as Gary chose the picture at the top of the article [which I heartily endorsed by the way] so maybe it’s that wot upset them 🙂
It was only a chuckaway read anyway and I honestly didn’t expect anybody to take umbrage with it!
Cheers
Wet Spam?? Really, how old are you?
We tried to buy the stadium until your tinpot then owner started blubbing ‘it’s not fair blah blah blah’, allegedly he got a sweetener & promptly shut up.
What would you like to do with the stadium, let it sit empty & rot away. It costs the taxpayer because of an idiot government who didn’t know business & gross mismanagement of the stadium since.
West Ham’s fault?? Don’t think so
I don’t use the term *Wet Spam* as it’s undeservedly derogatory.
You’ll dislike MFW even more when you discover that at least three of us on here have Spurs as our second team.
None of us have any time for Millwall though.
Enjoy the game and your day out – thanks for joining in.
Hi Martin
An entertaining read
Can we now play with out the pressure of staying up hopefully but I would like to see Gilmour and The other loanee’s on the bench and start to build for next season Sorensen along side Hanley would be a good start
Have a good weekend
Hi Alex
The teamsheet for Sunday should be interesting and I too would love to see a start for Sorensen but maybe not alongside Hanley.
If we’re playing a midfield two, maybe him and Rupp?
But that’s a wild guess as I haven’t a clue what Dean Smith will choose to do.
Cheers
Martin;
Sorensen to start?? How many bottles did you sink before that comment??
I can only assume that he must be a very naughty boy at Colney to have started so infrequently this season.
O T B C
Hi John
The only thing I’ve picked up about Lungi is that he’s apparently *too quiet* in the dressing room so I doubt he’s been in any way naughty.
There’s a footballer in there for sure and I’d like to see more of him.
Maybe beginning on Sunday?
Cheers
What nostalgia Martin.
I loved that old West Ham team as a kid, Moore, Hurst and Peters. Never ever did I think one of them would play for us. Let alone for 5 years !!!
I have always felt part of the Norwich DNA of the last 48 years came from The West Ham Way.
Ron Saunders did the impossible with promotion to the First Division, but the football was functional and reliant on supreme fitness and then came John Bond and Ken Brown who moulded us into a football playing side that came from their playing days at West Ham and lasted way after they had both left.
Hi Tim
Yes you’re absolutely right about the connection between West Ham and ourselves, particularly messrs Bond and Brown.
We had an excellent relationship with Spurs as well during the late 1980s-early 1990s, which certainly I consider to be our *finest hour* in terms of attractive football coupled with real success at the top level.
Mark Bowen, Ian Crook and Ian Culverhouse all came from Spurs for what turned out to be ridiculously low fees during that period.
Nostalgia indeed!
Cheers
Funny thought I would see one of City finest midfielders get a mention the late great Graham Paddon played for Us-them-us . a beautiful left foot too. Then one of the greatest England footballers Martin Peters my schoolboy hero and I even got to decorate his house .. nearly wetting myself the first morning.
Sure I am not alone remembering the way we use to chant the west ham signature tune with slightly different words too.. Like West Ham they fade and Die. heard that sung at every ground I visited and it was many back in those days.
Hi Lad
I did namecheck Martin Peters but wouldn’t have thought to give Graham Paddon a mention as apart from the 73 Wembley final I can only remember seeing hom play once or twice.
Living and later working in London in the 70s I probably saw as much of us at White Hart Lane as I did at Carrow Road!
You’re quite right about the ba$tardised Bubbles song – there was also a verion of *Bless ’em All* that featured West Ham as well, together with Man Utd and Liverpool. I’ve not heard either in years!
Cheers
I saw Graham Paddon’s first part of his Norwich career, and a lot of when he came back after having a great time at West Ham Martin, he was an excellent player.
Sadly taken from us too soon.
I largely missed out on the 70s but Graham Paddon is spoken very highly of by many of my friends, to be sure.