Okay, full disclosure. It’s 8am on Saturday and I’ve only just remembered it’s my turn on the rota to do the match preview. Apologies Mr Gowers (Absolved – Ed).
So while I sit here waiting for the garage to do my MOT, my bank account effectively in their hands, I thought I’d share my Nostradamus-like vision of how tomorrow will pan out.
It’ll begin in earnest at 1.00pm, when the teams are announced. Those brave few who still harbour vague interest will look at Wolves’ team, and maybe see an odd unfamiliar name or two, with a top-half finish now all-but-confirmed yet European qualification beyond them.
For just a brief second, the old competitive juices will kick in, a distant primitive instinct, and the thought of Wolves playing slightly less than their best team will have them weighing up potential weaknesses, considering ways we might exploit them.
But only for a millisecond. Because as soon as their eyes flick to the Norwich team they’ll remember.
They’ll remember that the defence will make mistakes which are always punished in this league. They’ll remember we have nothing in midfield in front of the centre-halves protecting them from being overrun like villagers armed with sticks facing Genghis Khan’s Mongol hordes.
And in terms of creation, while God may have rested on a Sunday, we’re a seven-days-a-week operation.
Billy Gilmour will be on the team sheet. Just accept it. It’s going to happen.
Kick-Off.
For a minute, maybe two if we’re lucky, Norwich won’t be behind. We may even create a half-chance. We won’t score of course. That’s not something we do these days.
Wolves will. Before half-time. Guaranteed. And chances are it will be because we’ve conceded possession cheaply. Because that’s how our match days go.
Following the goal, any semblance of City being competitive will disappear quicker than a Brandon Williams Instagram message after he’s “had a chat with the club.”
We’ll probably make it to halftime because Wolves won’t be breaking their backs when they’re already winning their last home game of a decent season in the Sunday afternoon sun.
Within 15 minutes of the start of the second half, we’ll concede again. It’ll be sloppier than Harry Kane’s chin. We’ll shrug. The players will shrug. Dean Smith will have the decency to look mildly annoyed.
About five minutes later we’ll pick the ball out of the net again.
Some of us will muster a half-hearted “Oh FFS”. Or a gallows chuckle. But nobody will really care.
Wolves will start stroking it about, lapping up a few early Oles. Norwich Twitter will start to rumble in tepid annoyance. The tempo of the game will drop to the same as the heartbeat of a hibernating tortoise.
One of the youngsters will come on. Maybe Liam Gibbs as we haven’t seen him yet. We’ll all make noises about it at least giving us something of interest to watch. And for a minute or two we’ll be willing him on, hoping he can show some promise for next season.
Then some eejit will make a horrendous mistake that almost results in a fourth goal and we’ll forget all about the youngster and return to our bipolar state of fractious indifference.
Right at the end, a Wolves side barely even trying at this point will attempt something that’s tantamount to taking the p*** and create or take a chance that they normally wouldn’t try against even a youth team, but they’ll discover that this team is always worth testing because they’ll almost certainly fail, and a fourth will go in.
Full Time. Thank God.
Canary Call will erupt with old men, who couldn’t be there but remember John Bond, questioning where the money has gone.
Simon Lappin, or whoever, will say that they’ve never played with a footballer that doesn’t try to win every game.
Rob Butler will go wildly off-topic and start discussing what a caller is having for tea or something.
And so it goes on. And on. And on.
This is officially Schrodinger’s Football Team. Stuck in a never-ending cycle. Whilst we’re still alive and playing, we’ve also been dead for a long while.
Hi Andy
A very amusing read on a sunny day in Blackpool.
As you say Wolves really have nothing to play for except the extra dosh for a higher ending position in the league.
Smith has mentioned that not finishing bottom will add money to the clubs coffers yet not once said the team needs to win their last couple of games for their and the clubs pride so has fallen in line with the owners and it’s all about the money.
Ex city loanee Rob Edwards will soon take over at Watford so that’s going to make next season interesting but we really need to finish above them this season.
Optimistic or just stupid my wife has called me both thinking city can get a positive result V Wolves but at 71 I still can dream of electric sheep
Great Piece Andy.
But sadly true of nearly all our away games and now home games in the EPL over two seasons.
I strongly support Dean Smith to be given a chance but if he really believes this lot are good enough for the Championship then god help us. Perhaps a full strength team would compete but that won’t cut it over 46 league games with injuries, loss of form or someone doing a ” Cantwell ”
My mates are not going tomorrow, so if Delia won’t listen to reasoned debate then perhaps with the empty seats at kick off last Sunday at Carrow Road and even less after 60 minutes, and the decision of hardened away fans binning it off tomorrow she may have to listen to the financial fallout this will all bring.
My mate Marty has hardly missed a game home or away since he retired playing in the late eighties so for him to miss tomorrow is really, really hard, but I applaud him. Delia is taking the away fans for granted. I hear there is no away supporters function this season, is that true ?Something I know is truly appreciated by the fans. If I am wrong I apologize.
We have to send a message to the board Andy, as your piece above does, that we are Canary fans as a whole are not stupid, we just want to be competitive like we were against Burnley & United.
We accept that relegation was a possible if not a probable this season, but what we want is for the team to just give it a go.
I must take you task Andy on the one thing I loved it, Milton Keynes (A), when the excellent Rob Butler asked me what I was having for tea, well my mum did 😂 I bet poor Rob is suffering over this like we all are. He is Canary through and through.
A great read. My type of humour with every word dripping with barely disguised disdain.
I’ll warrant that it’s not too far from the truth as well.
I particularly love the references to butler and lappin.
I remember at school in the 50‘s (Hewett), if we were thrashing the opposition, at half time the two games Masters would call a halt, we would be credited the game and the two captains would take turns picking a player, shirts would be exchanged where necessary, and the second half would become a competitive friendly. Maybe City could do something similar with Wolves and Spurs?
Andy, was it meant to be funny??
It is, after all, exactly how almost every game in this godforsaken season has panned out.
Wolves are already on the beach, but even if they played their U23’s they would be too competent for us at present.
I look at anything better than a 4 – 0 defeat as a macabre sort of moral victory!
O T B C