Kevin Baldwin

So, the play-offs. What do we reckon? Still in with a chance?

Seven points and six places adrift of the last play-off spot ? and only 12 games left in which to close the gap. It seems unlikely? but as older readers will know, there is something of a precedent.

Gather round the rocking chair while I light my pipe, young folk, for I have a remarkable tale to tell. I was going to save it for my grand-children, but as my memory will be long gone by the time they make an …

There's a big (but almost empty) tin of Quality Street in my desk drawer at work, American Idol is back on ITV2 and the iPod I got for Christmas has selected tracks from N-Trance, Mousse T and S Express loaded onto it.

Far from being the period of spartan self-denial that traditionally follows the excesses of Christmas, January turned out to be Guilty Pleasures month.

I thought the culmination of this was going to be the all-expenses-paid trip to Prague I enjoyed …

Since the game at Palace on New Year's Day, I've noticed a lot of comments on various websites ? including this one ? criticising the outdated conditions and facilities at Selhurst Park.

They're all entirely justified, of course. But I don't think anyone's mentioned one thing which I thought really captured the stale whiff of the past hanging about the place.

On the perimeter fence in front of the stand opposite us was an ad for Brut aftershave, with …

One of the things I really used to enjoy about Christmas as a child was getting a Selection Box of confectionery.

For some reason, the dull assortment of everyday sweets and chocolate bars seemed special and exciting simply because they came packaged in a stocking made of plastic netting so tough that it would lacerate the fingers of any kid foolish enough to try and open it without scissors. (Yes, I mean me.)

In that spirit, I hereby present my own festive Selection …

I must say, we thoroughly enjoyed the BBC's Autumnwatch programmes in our house.

It's always enjoyable to watch a small furry creature going about its business in its natural environment, though there was far more to the season than just Bill Oddie.

My three-year-old daughter particularly enjoyed looking for things on PC Plum's Spotters' Club checklist.  (Who's PC Plum? He's a character in Balamory. What's the story in Balamory? …

The last glow of the autumn sun finally fades behind the mountains. The lemon groves in the valley disappear from view and the still of the evening is broken only by the soft chirruping of cicadas.

Hang on, that's not the cicadas, that's my phone.

Oh s***, we're two down already?

Yes, it was only those pesky text messages from Burnley that disturbed what was otherwise a very peaceful and relaxing break in Majorca last week.

(I wondered at …

Farewell then Peter Grant.
You're a very good coach,
But a manager you aren't.

In the end, even he had to accept that it just wasn't working.

There are all sorts of reasons why it didn't work ? some of which he had no control over, most of which he definitely did ? but Darel Russell inadvertently identified one of the key mistakes while paying tribute to him:

?I don't think that by bringing someone else in, there is more …

One of the things which make football a great game is the fact that it's enjoyed by people from all backgrounds and all walks of life.

The educated and uneducated, the pie-munchers and the prawn sandwich nibblers, the rich and? well, the mega-rich, in the case of the Premiership.

It brings together people who wouldn't normally have cause to be together; it provides a topic of conversation to people who have little else in common.

The late AJ Ayer, …

Clich?s should be avoided like the plague. That goes without saying, at the end of the day.

Of course, the football world is riddled with them, from sick parrots to stalls being set out and giving it 110%.

And at Norwich, we attract more than our fair share, with headlines like 'So tweet for chirpy Canaries' and 'Delia's recipe for success'. She must be as fed up with that one as a tall bloke continually being asked: 'What's the weather like up …

In many ways (Yes, brace yourself, there's a list coming…), the return of the football season is like the return to school after the summer holidays.

There are lots of shiny new uniforms in evidence, though there are a few people hoping no one else will notice they're still wearing last year's slightly tatty one.

There are a number of unfamiliar names (or 'new bugs') on the register?

'Right everyone, we've got some new people …

Never go back, they say (whoever 'they' are), but are they right?

Probably, in the case of a lit firework. Then again, what about Take That, who have reformed after a break of several years and are once again bringing their particular brand of music to millions and millions of people?

Actually, they're still right.

And the same goes for two other groups who have recently reformed: the ironically-named Verve and the Spice Girls, although the latter at …

Actually I've been meaning to dump you for ages.

I never really fancied you.

And you're frigid.

However hurt and rejected you feel, there are some things you just shouldn't say at the end of a relationship.

However justified you feel, you're the one who ends up looking small.

Better by far to retain some dignity by smiling and displaying as much magnanimity as you can muster.

By and large, the football world …